LIFE IS LIKE AN OCEAN or a drop of rain

Hearing 'If i Rise' in my breath

2011-02-27T23:40:00.000-08:00

The other day, in the middle of a lot of mental and physical activity, i got a chance to sit down and close my eyes for a few minutes. Suddenly, my mind became thoughtless. Thanks to the continuous practice of 'shoonya'( http://www.ishafoundation.org/ShoonyaMeditations), sometimes my mind actually becomes thoughtless for periods of time enough for me to experience peace.

In this occasion, very naturally my attention went to my breath, and i was completely able to focus on the inhalation and exhalation, this complete focus lasted a few tens of seconds. The rhythm of my breath was exactly like the background music in 'If i rise' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWMuo9Bc0ww) by Rehman and Dido in 127 hours.

I find quiet interesting ways of liking my soul connection with music and feel happy, you may have realized by now :)))

Excellence 4 by Manoj Bharadwaj

2011-01-19T23:52:00.000-08:00

Here is my response as promised :) I have added an extra paragraph upon going through Prashant's views again.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wonderful :) I loved some of the arguments presented above. Money, Dates, being rich, runs....all of them are not objective. They are relative. Its cheaper to repair a tyre in a city rather than on the highway - relative. India got independence on 15th August, 1947 - again relative to the day counting began.

I think objective means existing irrespective of my existence. One can say that what I have just written is still subjective as it is ME who stumbled upon that idea! But, this is where the congruence comes in. We are all living in that congruence, we are all on that journey of excellence - consciously at times (like when we are applying our thought and effort) and not so consciously at times. So, as long as I am in that congruence (at whatever stage or state of awareness) I will have that subjective in me and also am in contact with the objective outside of me. It is from that contact with objective outside of me that the above idea has emerged - and thus, in spite of coming from me, I can still believe that it is objectively true because I am at a certain stage on that journey of congruence!

Yes, runs are objective. For that matter, science works from the belief that anything that can be measured is objective. And hence, the truth. But there is congruence there too! The instrument to measure is itself an agent of excellence! The person who discovered (or manufactured) that instrument is operating in this congruence! Coming back to runs, true that scoring runs for the team is more important that playing elegantly. But, each person - no matter at what consciousness (awareness) he is - while scoring runs is operating from this congruence!

And coming to excellence itself being subjective, I would again like to point out to the congruence. Excellence is different for all of us - its largely about the uniqueness that we all have. Sehwag is different from Laxman. I am different from you. As Prathyusha once told me, we need not try to be different. But each of us have an objectiveness that is for us and is outside of us - and each of us are on the path to discovering that objectiveness, to connect with it and to experience the joy. The congruence.

Now, this is triggering another idea in my mind. Is it possible to tap into someone else's objectivity? To cross our paths with someone else's path of excellence? Is that happening right now as I am writing these words to you? Ah! Though the feeling hasn't crept within me completely, I have a hunch that the answers to the above questions are Yes, Yes and Yes. Perhaps this is what is called 'connecting at a deeper plane'.

Heart felt thanks for your spontaneous reply buddy :) I wouldn't have refined my thought (learning!) and wouldn't have come up with the above ideas if not for you :)

Excellence 3 by Prashant

2011-01-19T23:51:00.001-08:00

I am supremely glad that such amazing ideas are emerging from my post! :) Here is a message by Prashant. I will be posting my response for the same in a separate note :)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dude, brilliant articulation again in excellence. Reading "Excellence" prompted me to put pen to paper or fingers to keys! I differ a wee -

Excellence is itself very subjective. What is excellence for me could be mediocre for you. Would it be justified then to present excellence as a coalesce of "objectivity" and "subjectivity".

For that matter timing itself is very subjective for exactly the reasons stated above. Objectivity for me would be something that could be measured. For example - runs would be objective. Yes one could be accused of being very unaesthetic and blunt. You could say that that is putting the end before the means. But then in a team game like cricket, is it not more important to score runs than to do so elegantly. But the success of IPL over Test cricket and the popularity of Sehwag over Laxman speak of the same inelegance.

Infact, on second thoughts even runs is not objective. Else wudnt Sachin have been the undoubted greatest batsman in the world? 4th innings score, average, strike rate - nothing but subjective analysis of the same "objective".

Continuing in the same vein, is anything really objective? Let me take the example of the most objective thing that comes to my mind - the richest man/woman. What would decide the richest person - well, money obviously. But isnt money subjective itself. Isnt money one's personal interpration of the value of a product. Take the example of a simple tyre puncture. You wud get it repaired for 5 bucks in the city. Tell me wudnt you be ready to shell out a hundred more for the same repair on a deserted highway?

The only more objective thing I can think of is dates. India became independent on 15th Aug, 1947. Some still ask - did it really?

No realm of life is objective. And that is not bad. An objective life would have been very boring. No conflicts. Imagine? ;-) Why wud one want to delimit life? Why wudnt one want to keep discovering everyday? The Greeks wudnt have left nething for us to discuss had life been objective. :-)
-- Prash

Excellence 2 by Shantan

2011-01-19T23:48:00.000-08:00

I shared my note on Excellence with Shantan whose opinions, insights and perspectives are very profound, highly intriguing and ever exciting! True to his reputation, the below was his reply which I am sharing with his permission.

Thank you Shantan :) - there is tremendous 'convergence' between my post and your response ;)

Awaiting to know what you guys think.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hmmm, Manoj, this piece brings back memories! What I am about to share is more a series of thoughts that have been triggered by reading this, than an opinion. But I am sure you can find an opinion in there too! :-)

I also went through a college phase of being very passionate about Objectivism. In retrospect, a vital part in the formation of my conscious belief system, but also Rand's main premise - rational self interest - is incomplete in many ways. It fails to acknowledge the importance of the irrational, often just brushing it aside as irrelevant.

Ok, back to the point you raised about objectivity and subjectivity, and their convergence being excellence. It's very interesting, and reaffirms my belief that even if our great scriptures went missing, we can rewrite them. What you are saying closely resembles a model presented in the Taittreya Upanisad.

The model is of a bird - one wing is called Satyam - which is "my truth" or "subjective truth". The other wing of the bird is called Ritam" - which is "absolute or universal truth". Where the wings meet, the body of the bird is called Yoga - which is described as many things including - the point of union, the point of being in the present moment, the point of maximum power, the point of perfect action, etc.

Having seen the bird from a wing to wing perspective, the model also describes the head of the bird as Sraddha - which is "conviction that takes you to the goal", and the tail as Mahat - which is "the past memory". Again the point where the head and tail meet is the body - Yoga. This can also be a meeting point of the past and future - which is the present moment.

There are a few inferences I have made through this model over the years. Your piece has also helped to further clarify these inferences.

1. The subjective and objective are both equally valid and important experiences. I think you have acknowledged this as well... I am hesitantly disagreeing with the Uncertainty principle in this particular context. This is because there is merit in saying that the subjective truth and objective truth cannot be simultaneously measured by most people. But I believe it can be done. (see below)

2. The subjective and objective can meet in the present moment.

At the point of convergence of the past and the future - sitting on the seat of the present moment - we have access to the clarity that allows us to see our truth and the absolute truth. This is said to be one of the qualities of enlightenment - to have one foot in a human perspective, and another foot in a divine perspective. Enlightened masters are able to see the world subjectively and objectively at the same time
- Shantan

Excellence

2011-01-16T23:20:00.001-08:00

I read a lot of Ayn Rand in my formative years of pre-college and college. Objective Epistemology. She was the one who introduced me to the beautiful concepts of Objectivity and Subjectivity. And Selfishness. Against this was the ever charming Heisenberg and his Uncertainty Principle. To quote Wikipedia:"In quantum mechanics, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle states by precise inequalities that certain pairs of physical properties, such as position and momentum, cannot be simultaneously known to arbitrarily high precision. That is, the more precisely one property is measured, the less precisely the other can be measured."

This translated with in me into a very interesting uncertainty principle with respect to any polar opposites - like Objectivity and Subjectivity. That is, the more objective a person is, the less subjective he can be and vice versa. But the person himself is the one trying to be objective - a very subjective entity. The person. To me, it remains a very ironic contradiction about life. But more recently, while I was trying to solve my sweetheart's confusion, I gave words to a startling - and pending - realization with in me about the convergence of objectivity and subjectivity.

Take sport for example. Cricket. The first time I played with a leather ball was in my first year at IIT. Hostel cricket practice. And I was clueless. It took me quite a lot of effort to get used to it. And then get better. What eluded me for a long time was Timing. Timing is a very objective entity. It exists as a concept. Irrespective of my existence. Or yours. It is when each person discovers timing that he begins to enjoy batting. While I was searching for it in my batting, it still existed out side of me. Because I could not time the ball, I realize that it is still an objective entity living outside of my existence. But the moment I found "my timing", I became part of the objective entity called timing. That is when the urge for objectivity within me ("me"-subjective) met the universal objective entity of timing to put me onto the path of pure joy.

What I have explained above is one tiny insight that I got into the convergence of objectivity and subjectivity. And I don't even know if I am journeying on that path anymore. But I do know one thing. That Federer's brilliance on the tennis field existed a long time before he himself knew it. Tendulkar's balance was patiently waiting for him to perfect himself enough before he can find it. Rehman's music was captive in space and time before he unlocked it through perseverance, humility and a pursuit towards excellence. Ah! There it is! Excellence.

What we call Excellence is nothing but the convergence of Objectivity and Subjectivity.

And when they converge, they create Magic. They create a Tendulkar. A Rehman. And a Federer. And so many countless magnitudes and intensities of excellence across the world that we are unaware of. And those that we are aware of, are the zenith of Excellence.

Reflections of a Butterfly

2011-01-16T06:43:00.001-08:00

I am not sure I am a butterfly yet - they are supposed to be beautiful right? I used the title to indicate that I was like a caterpillar comfortably nestled in a cocoon while I was in IIT. A caterpillar with the audacity to do whatever seemed right to it. A caterpillar that swam in the comfort that whatever it does, it is going to turn into a butterfly in 4 years time. A caterpillar which knew that the world is going to stop in awe and appreciate when it is finally done fooling around in the cocoon and comes out in flying colors.

And so it swam. It swam in every intoxication possible. In every crazy thought that occurred to it. Without care for time. Without care for discipline. In the knowledge that there is a world out there waiting to be awed.

Getting close to 2 years after being christened a butterfly, I am not sure of my identity. Am I a butterfly merely in appearance but a stunted caged liberation-thirsty caterpillar within? Can the world see my true identity? Wait a minute. Is that really my true identity? I don't know. Perhaps I will not for a while to come. It took 3 years of slogging and 4 years of pure fun and indiscipline to lose myself. Finding myself is not going to be so easy. Or quick. But what did I lose?

Is it fun? No. I learnt to have fun. My passion? No. I never knew what it was. How can I lose what I never knew. A sense of belonging? No. I haven't belonged more to any place than my wing. And my cricket team. And my hostel. And my friends.

Now I realize. After 3 years of slogging and 4 years of pure fun and indiscipline and close to 2 years of playing a butterfly, I have not lost anything. Because I never had anything worthy to lose. I have only had myself. And I still have most of it. I don't need transformation now. Because every single act of life is merely a formation. A progress. A step. A page. Transformation might happen along. But what is actually happening and is always going to happen is only formation.

So, what do you want to become?

for the love of dogs :)

2010-08-03T03:29:00.000-07:00

I have never been the 'dog person'. Neither did i have any special affection for dogs. Infact when i was a kid, i had a health fear of dogs, enough for me to go from the other side of the road if i saw one.

when i met rover( sam, my best friends lab) for the first time, he was just a baby. Thats when love happened! my god! he was soooooo cute :) i suddenly started seeing how loving dogs are! even if you are screaming at it for having climbed the bed it comes and licks you enthusiastically!

then, yesterday i met Dubi! another lab pup, equally cute and adoreableeeeeeeeeee, i so wanted to bring it home, but mom wont agree...

now suddenly i realize that every time i see a dog on the road i smile, like today i was walking home and saw this owner walking a pug. I had to go up to her and meet the dog! he is called 'spikey'...hahah. He is super cute! smelled me, licked me and just casually put his front legs up on me. It felt sooo nice! like this little one has no stupid fears and inhibitions like us humans, he is open to loving anybody!!! no conditions...

i also realized something very interesting...its that we also can be OPEN to be loved by anything and anybody, but we are not. we feel great only when people who mean something great to us express love. All others expressions of affection are somehow on a lower scale.

Today when i felt spikey's affection for me, an absolute stranger!! i felt so overwhelmed. He made me want to be open to love and affection where ever i get it from :) its a feeling of abundance :)

My Greatest Defeat as an Indian Supporter

2010-05-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was all set to cheer India to a 20 run victory over the Sri Lankans. The same childlike feeling came back to me when I used to bunk school to watch an India match (and my mom used to write an absent note for a stomach ache or a fever). The stage was perfect for a champion to show his true self against a series of unfortunate events that unfolded after a brilliant start at the World Cup. The expectations were high. The support was huge. And the talent - nothing short of the best.

But the expectations, instead of rousing the hidden champion in you, turned into a burden. The support turned into a demand. And the talent - just a mere number on paper. As an ardent supporter of Indian cricket and a staunch believer in their abilities, I was defeated. I lost the match twice. Nay...thrice. Actually four times.

The first was when we got off to a brilliant start and were set for a 180+ target as we were 93/1 in 10 overs. And we finished at 163 - with Rohit Sharma still to take to the crease. I was defeated because our team did not have the nerve to give what it takes to make a total of 180+ knowing fully well that nothing short of that cold ensure us a berth in the semi-finals and a chance to meet Pakistan in the world cup. But, I still clung on. Such is the unreasonableness of the heart - it makes you believe more in times of adversity.

The second was when we let Sri Lanka cross 143. This caused the deepest pang in the heart so far because that is when the realization that we are out of the World Cup hit me. But that had to be pushed aside quickly as there was a match - and that elusive thing called pride - at stake. So, the unreasonable heart was back on track again!

The third was quite excruciating as I could not spot a single Indian back-bone on the field for the next few overs as Sri Lankans showed what champions they are by overhauling our total of 163. To make it worse, they finished off with a lovely scoop of a full length ball for a six over covers. We not only lost the match then but also our pride (you might ask me 'how can you lose something that you dint have in the first place?' - I would like to think that traces of it were there at least before the match). The pride was not lost because we lost the match. But because we did not fight. We did not show the most important quality prescribed for a true champion - pride in your performance. And with it, they snatched away my pride in being an Indian supporter.

The fourth -thankfully the last - was when Dhoni had the audacity to say in the presentation ceremony that there is a T20 world cup once every two years and that we will come back next time. I was ashamed because of the attitude of the captain of my team. I am sure that reflected in their performance in the match. He actually explained everything to me in one sentence.

But, please do me a favor MS Dhoni - DO NOT COME EVEN THIS FAR in the next world cup. Get knocked out in the first stage itself so that some other team - though much less attractive on paper - will have a chance to play like a champion.

I miss that little man called Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Perhaps Suresh Raina is the only guy who comes the closest to showing the pride in his performance like the little master. And he rightly deserves to be the pseudo-captain to the Indian team touring Zimbabwe.

Misery

2010-05-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

The times that I feel helpless,

The times that I feel hopeless,

I think about what help means,

And what being hopeful means.

I try to figure it all out,

And I make some progress too,

But then, life is such a thing,

And it is so tough just being.

When my heart feels restless,

And my life feels zestless,

Is when I want to play cricket,

Or just sleep – dreaming about cricket.

I guess I am a simple guy,

Being turned simpler by life,

The same life that once complicated me,

The same life that once accepted me.

The worst part about misery,

Is not sorrow or anger or pain,

It’s the numbness,

My only medicine right now – seems to be rain.

Genius

2010-04-20T21:39:00.001-07:00

Genius is something very hard to define. Perhaps the definition of genius is "that which can not be understood normally" - which is not really a definition in the first place.

I think genius lies in looking at the world differently - through the same eyes that everyone of us possesses. I felt this touch - heard my music - when I realized that the latest adidas caption is amazingly simple and yet awesome!

We all knew the statement right from our school days that 'nothing is impossible'. We have even seen t shirts that say "Even impossible says i m possible". And we left it at that. It was just one among many many such statements that make you feel inspired for a brief second of time - and then its erased out of memory. But, it takes a genius to look at it differently. It takes a genius to flip it and say "Impossible is Nothing!"

Though my engineering brain trained in probability and permutations pricks me from the unhappy corners in my mind that anyone can come up with it if only they had spent the time - the illogical, unreasonable, and often saner part tells me that it is pure genius that took the one to come up with something as simple, and as beautiful, and as arrogant (or confidant) as "Impossible is Nothing!". Hats off to that guy!

2010-04-05T03:56:00.000-07:00

1. Music has a way of inducing music into you :)
2. Shreya Goshal has the sweetest voice on Earth! :)

The You and Me that you and me Dont Know

2010-04-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was going to postpone writing this article. But, thanks to the inspiration provided by Kaddu's article, I have resolved to write it even if it is almost 12 in the night.

I have begun to feel recently that what we are inside has a way of affecting the people around us without either their or our conscious knowledge. It is almost as if people react to that feeling/ thought with in you. And if that feeling/ thought with in us can be pure and cheerful, then even the other person will react in the best way he can. I dont know how, but somehow it works :)

My latest Understandings

2010-03-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

It is those blog entries that are most satisfying which write themselves out. You are only an instrument through which the wisdom flows. In those brief moment when it lives inside you waiting to take expression, life seems to happen in slow motion, nothing misses your attention and observation, everything seems just as it is, simple. No meanings, no 'different ways of looking at things'. Its the ultimate truth about something, staring you in the face.

There are two such truths that happened to be yesterday, both sudden and parallel.

First One: After you have gone all the way down, there is no where else to go but, up!

There are these times in life when you can feel yourself sinking. You know what you value but you do everything but that, lost in series of reactions, being unable to STOP and Respond! Everyday morning you know you are off course of what would bring you happiness but you continue to veer away.

But there is a point when you go right to the bottom...your personal bottom ( dont smile, its not the one in the dirty joke your mind has just come up with). The moment you realise you have reached there, there is a certain calm, the agitation also disappears. Things seem very clear, and the only possible path left to follow is the way back up. Up in your own eyes, slowly and consciously beginning to follow everything we value.

Do we have to go right to the bottom every time we get into that the 'trough' phase? No! absolutely not, when we go through the process a couple of times consciously, we recognise the bottom even from a distance and start the journey up :) the more conscious we are the lesser the time it takes to recognise the bottom, and the lesser the number of times we need to go through troughs for the same things in life. For example being late for a commitment.

You get late continuously for a few days and it makes you feel sick about yourself, it surely means that you value being in time, or you are doing it for someone else. If you are doing it for your image then it is really not worth the effort to change. If you really do value it, it will trigger you every time it happens and the triggers get stronger with repeated incidents. 'This is like the going down feeling'. Then there will be time when you think 'gosh! what am i doing' and you will decide to change and make a larger effort to be on time. You may be late again after this decision is taken, but you will automatically become more conscious of the process beginning again and your decision will come faster. So with regard to being late, 'your bottom gets shallower', and maybe some day it wont exist, when you live the decision everyday of life. You live what you value.

This brings us to the second truth: 'Oka saari commit iyte na maata nene vinanu'.

This is a very popular movie dialogue in Telugu. It essentially means, once i have committed myself to something, then i am not going to listen to my own self suggesting me to back track.

For a very long time i though this was a very cheeky dumb dialogue a lot of my friends used in one liners to get people in splits of laughter.

But yesterday it came back to me like a flash of wisdom.

There have been a few decision i had taken in the last few months about things i really valued but i was not following them consistently.

I really wondered how i could go against my own wishes. the wishes that i deeply cherished like learning and practicing music, reading good books, exercising and staying absolutely fit.

And i suddenly understood that there two parts in each of us. Ourself and our Higher Self.

Wait wait dont panic! I am not giving you a spiritual discourse...

Ourself is our everyday self, what we think of ourselves to be in ordinary everyday existance. And our higher self is what we are capable of being.

There are these extremely inspiring times in life when we connect with our higher self and decide, man! life is going to be different for me, its going to be so much more from today onwards. Those are the times when we are being our higher self, a possibility where anything is possible with everyone of us. The decisions we take when we are this self is almost always above our present level of living. Things like: I am going to get up one hour before i generally do to accommodate something i value into my life or i am going to work harder than what i do now to accomplish more, or i am going to consciously work lesser to spend more time with loved ones etc etc.

Can you feel how it feel to be in that space? To me if feels very empowering! To be able to decide to act on what matters to us. Its a very powerful space.

But also many a times, we disconnect with this space in a few hours, days of weeks or months, depending on our tendencies to live unconsciously, and we fail to act on our decisions. We become comfortable with our present states. We don't want to push to a newer level,

Now! there are two ways to go about it the way i see it now. One is go to the bottom of the trough and realise its the bottom and find your way back up, connect with your higher self and start acting. OR ..orrr......

THINK ' Once i have decided on something while being inspired about it i am not going to go back on my decision'. Like: If i decide i am going to write a blog post today on so and so experience on my way to work, something that moved me or touched me. I am going to come home and write it, irrespective of whether i am tired or sleepy etc etc and even if i am telling myself 'ahhh just sleep, it was no big deeeaaal'

This is tough! your mind and body will protest the effort of pushing into a newer level action. But its realllly worth it! Just that your disconnected self does not realise this! Once you go through with the action and ask yourself if you would choose otherwise the next time the choice arises, the answer is most often NO. If it is Yes, then probably it is really worth re-looking at your value, probably it was not a value just a fancy?

The trick is in really not listening to your own self :), not like a blanket rule, but you will know when!

Beete Lamhe!

2010-03-18T21:03:00.001-07:00

What a way to begin a day!

Though I turned half a liter of milk into some brown sticky substance in the morning and followed it up with about a kilometer's run to take the cab as I was very late, it was a brilliant day to begin the day. I enjoyed the Vinnaithandi Varuvaya songs in the cab, had good break-fast near the office and talked to Murthy Uncle after that. But, the best part was the above 'surprise' - my friends'...naaaa....my family's parting gift for me :)

I have no words. Just a loooooot of gratitude. Thank you guys :)

P.s: I feel that the blog title serves as a very good title to the poem (remember that lovely song called 'Beete lamhe'??)

Viva La Vida

2010-03-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

Yes. The title of this post is the title of Coldplay's latest - and best ever - album. But ever wondered what it means? Even I wondered about it very recently - it was perhaps the music that eclipsed the need for the meaning in the lyrics.

Viva La Vida means "Live the Life".
How 'zestful' isn't it? Just like their music :)

I was wondering today morning, while I was driving down to office - is there a 'plan' to life? A plan to be 'happy'?

The answer is no. There is no plan to life. There is no plan to be happy. Because life happens in the most unexpected of ways. Happiness is so subtle a thing that perhaps language is not sufficient to explain or express it. But, all I know for sure is that I love the wind on my face while I am sitting beside an open window in the car. I love the morning sun-shine on the eyelids of my closed eyes - it's simmer being made warm by the sleepy misty morning wind. I love the music from the radio and the lyrics that accompany them. I love looking at kids excited to go to school, kids reluctant to go to school, parents waiting with their kids for the school bus and the traffic that is in a hurry to take people to their offices. I love thinking without any direction while driving, having imaginary conversations in my head about things that matter to me, discover the things that matter to me and discover that I want to do something about them. And also discover what is that something.

All these things are beautiful. And, in spite of all the bull shit in the world, I am a happy man as long as I am able to do all those things because, as someone said, 'celebrate what is right with the world' :)

But here is the catch: It is not that there isn't a plan to be happy. It is just that there is no need for a plan to be happy. But, we need to plan for life - the plan is not about how to live it, but about how to go about living it.

Viva La Vida!

Pappu

2009-12-29T03:22:00.000-08:00

As the title suggests, this blog is about my dearest friend Pappu. He is perhaps the sweetest, honest and enthusiastic person one can ever meet. But this is not about those qualities.

This blog is about his iPod. There are some moments in my life when I feel like just standing up and dancing without a care about who is watching or where am I. I have to really control myself from doing so else I might be branded as a lunatic! Some of such moments have been when I borrowed Pappu's iPod in the last minute for a last minute planned train journey (needless to say, Pappu books the tickets).

After getting on the train (in the last minute) and settling down, after a while when I remember that I have borrowed his iPod, when I put them to my ears and play....thats the moment when I feel like standing up and dancing because it was full of such lovely lovely songs! Songs that I used to listen but have long forgotten, new songs that I have not listened to previously, songs that I overlooked when I first came across them....I find all of them in one place. And the joy of discovering such lovely songs from a friend with whom you practically shared four years of engineering (but can't keep in touch as much these days as times have changed) is amazing! It makes me stand up, go to the compartment door, lean outside as much as I can, feel the wind on my face, grip the compartment handles a bit harder due to a bit of fear of falling down and let the joy drown me. And I blush at that bliss. And I cant stop smiling. And I thank god for all that he has given me. I feel very humble. And I dedicate that moment to Pappu.

Just as I dedicate this post to him :)
Thanks buddy.

2009-12-17T23:57:00.000-08:00

There is a very old keerthana composed by Annamayya that my mother sings. I have started to understand and appreciate the meaning of it only recently...following are the lyrics:

నాటికి నాడే నా చదువు

మాటలాడుచును మరిచేటి చదువు

ఎనయనీతనె యెరుగుటకేపో వెనుక వారు చదివిన చదువు

మనసున ఈతనె మరచుట కొరకె పనివడి ఇప్పటి ప్రౌఢుల చడువు

నాటికి నాడే నా చదువు

మాటలాడుచును మరిచేటి చదువు

తెలిసి ఇతనినె తెలియుటకేపొ

తొలత కృత యుగాడుల చదువు

కలిగిన యీతనే కాదనలేపో కలియుగంబులో కలిగిన చడువు

నాటికి నాడే నా చదువు

మాటలాడుచును మరిచేటి చదువు

వరమని వేంకటపతి కనుటకేపో

దొరలగు బ్రహ్మాడుల చడువు

సిరుల ఈతనే మరచుటకొరకే విరసపు జీవుల వ్యర్దపు చదువు

What this means in spirit is:

Education is something we use for running our day to day affairs

It is so superficial that we forget our knowledge in no time.

Education for our great grand ancestors was to know the profound ultimate reality of existance

The knowledge we are seeking today through education, most often forgets the spirit at its core.

Education is something we use for running our day to day affairs

It is so superficial that we forget our knowledge in no time

Education in Krita Yuga and the other two yugas was rooted in deepening the experience of reality, irrespective of what is already known.

Education in Kaliyuga is stuck between what it understands and cannot deny and what is beyond its reach.

Education is something we use for running our day to day affairs

It is so superficial that we forget our knowledge in no time

For Brahma and the other devatas education was an attempt to understand the ultimate truth(Representeed by Venkateshwara Swami)

While education now is to forget the ultimate truth

It is a futility pursued by superficial people.

The Bahava in the music if also beautiful :)You can hear the song at the following link

http://www.esnips.com/doc/5c9f9143-3c37-40ce-9560-19b762f7e9bc/34-NAATIKI-NAADE

Four Levels of Learning

2009-12-16T20:21:00.001-08:00

I recently learnt that there are four leves of learning that all people go through with regard to any new learning they have. Lets take an example for clarity. I learn how to ride the bike...

Level 1: Unconscious Inability: This is the level where one does not know that a particular learning exists. That means that i don't know that i could possibly learn how to ride a bike...i had never thought about it.

Level 2: Conscious Inability: This is the level where one knows that he doesn't know something. This means that, i know i could ride a bike, but i don't know how to do it at present. i am conscious of my inability to ride a bike.

Level 3: Conscious Ability: This is the level where one learns the thing he wants to learn. He is conscious of his ability to do it.

I ride the bike, accelerate as much as i wants, balance the bike, break when needed, keep checking the rear view mirrors, use indicators for turns, and if it is a geared bike also change gears with speed. I am consciously doing all these. Ofcourse i am thrilled to be able to ride.

Level 4: Unconscious Ability: This is the final level where one can do something without having to pay conscious attention to it. One can do it naturally...

This is when i don't think about where i am going or how i am driving but i get home/office in one piece :) This is when i am not even conscious of my ability to ride a bike.

We learn things in this fashion day in and day out, but its nice to really read and understand the way human brain works...

about today...and many other days

2009-11-27T02:05:00.000-08:00

i have always felt that music and i have a soul connection...music makes me feel so full of humility and love at times that it is hard to contain. Like today.....i was on the phone with a friend when a song started playing from my system in random mode...i had never heard it before, and it was so capturing from the first second that i could hardly concentrate on the conversation, said 'what? what?' like a hundred times! By the time i could hang up the song had finished and as the player was in random mode it went on to some other song...I had a sense of pregnant urgency to listen to that song again! i spent the next one hour listening to the beginnings if allllll the songs on my laptop i had not heard before! not for a moment did my enthusiasm vane, i kept coming close to the end of the list of such songs and looking back at it now...i realize that my hope did not go down while i went down the list, i sensed a desperation, some amount of helplessness in feeling 'shit i dont know where to find it now'! but not one bit of loss of hope, even the last stone left to unturn could be the right one!!!

But for me, today, it was not!! I did not find it...

Every single cell in my body was aligned to the goal of finding this song! All this must be sounding crazy to you but it is soooo true!

Two minutes later i am listening to this other song, 'Strings-Pal(feat. sarika), it finishes and goes to the next one....and i feel like listening to it again..so not being mindful of the fact that the songs were playing in random i clicked previous and it went to 'Pal'....suddenly i though how the hell? this is in random right? how did it go back to the exact song i want? i checked the list and these songs were all placed all over the place, but still bang it went to the same song....and then there was this FLASH! of inspiration and i clicked the previous button again...and a song started slowly...i listened to it for abut five seconds, the build up to the song is slow and i had too much energy in me to wait...so i quickly toggled to the middle of the song and BANG! it was the exact same one i had heard a few minutes back :)))) now i quickly stopped, connected the song to a external speaker and started from beginning...its a seven minute song...seven minutes of living in the moment :) The song is 'Dil Ka Rishta' by Rehman from the movie 'Yuvaraj'. Been listening to it since the last five hours now! here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAAQ-924XVE

There were tears in my eyes by the time the song ended...i know this is not the most beautiful song of rehman and many of you may not like it at all....music, i have learnt is not just about the song, its about how it interacts with your life, human life, ones current circumstances, and the context in which it was first heard...

There is also another song that made me cry today! its an instrumental song and its called 'Love story meets Viva La Vida', listen to it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXtVBJDPs6k. Thanks Manoj! for introducing me to this one. It is mind blowing, humbling and i am filled with gratitude towards the composers! I mean when you see this video you will realize the passion with which it was made!! the way they play their instruments, their smiles, expressions, hand strokes, that song runs through their souls!

In the last minute or so of this video Jon Schmidt talks about how this arrangement came about. He talks about his small cute seven year old daughter and her imagination of Taylor Swifts song Love story, and her favorite part in the song when the key change happens.

I love the way she has imagined it. i am baffled by the emotions she feels you know! She feels like the song goes low for some time and it feels like the guy(hero of the song) wont come back as he is scared of his girlfriends mean dad and the girl is beginning to lose all hope and right then he comes back to the girl and askes her to marry him...this is where the note changes to a higher one and surely a much more exciting and hopeful one...

So he goes on to say that when he was putting this song together he wanted to extend that bit of the song and make it play a little longer for her and then mix it into Viva La Vida, because it just fits so perfectly in!

What moves me so much is this ability that music has to make people feel different things, from hopeless to hopeful and bursting with joy!! Different kinds of sounds from different instruments have a different quality of emotion that they can elicit out of you...i am AMAZED at the potential music has to emote.... i mean if a seven year old can get the exact meaning from sound as it was intended by the composer, who cant! ( if you see the actual video of 'love story' you will realize that the way she imagined it is the same way it was visualised).

I feel so nice that Jon Schmidt would do that for his daughter...if i had that kind of talent i would compose a song for everyone that ever touched my life...

Probably this is what being completely passionate about something means!

I loved writing this one :) thanks for reading!

learning..

2009-11-25T06:06:00.000-08:00

grappling with living 'profound acceptance of now'.....it comes in bits and pieces....and when it lasts, it is, it JUST IS.

Random Thought that makes a lot of sense.

2009-10-09T03:41:00.000-07:00

Adulthood sets is fast when you are poor.

...here to stay

2009-10-08T00:13:00.000-07:00

i generally don't blog. I live in between loooong phases of 'bloging is not for me' and short spans of inspired motivation to scream to the world 'I live, i hear, i feel and i experience life, hear me out'...

I've thought a lot about why is it that i cant get myself to blog, my short spans of inspired motivation are evident from my previous posts. But i could never sustain the writing...i figured two reasons for why i could not blog.

First one being, i as an individual could not do anything that is being done by a lot of other people. 'everyone is blogging' so why should i' ? A fierce need to be different and to stand out of the crowd is a strong desire of my subconscious. So although i never thought in terms of 'i should not do it as so many people are'...i used to feel 'ordinary' about it and i could not get myself to do anything ordinary.

The second reason is that, i connect with authenticity and living deeply. Many a times when i would write or go over what i have written it would sound superficial to me, being said only to please a reader and not because it is a deep experience. You know...using amazing vocabulary and well constructed, sarcastic, funny sentences. I realized i was not being completely authentic. It would start from a need to share but somewhere down the line it would become artificial. And that is something i cant stand to bear about myself. I was obsessed with being perfect, having no clue what that means anyway. I was obsessed with 'How to be' and not accepting 'how i am'

But after 3-4 years of more exposure to different situations in life i have been beaten into being more humble. My ego has considerably shrunk...but trust me it has a looong way to go! I dont feel a need to stand out, i dont do or not do things by relating myself to others, there is no need to prove my difference and feel good about it. It comes more naturally to me now to just be myself and not judge myself too much for it. I just am, i am perfect and i am improving at the same time :)

I experience life so fully somedays that its hard to contain the joy/sadness...and then finally i realised this is where blogging fits in, there is a very different nature to energy when it is shared in multiple people. I want to share my energy and enthusiasm for life with anyone willing to feel it.

With this not so short introduction to myself i start, now i am here to stay...

Discourse to myself

2009-05-15T07:54:00.001-07:00

"Stick to your choices until the choices don't stick anymore"

Nothing could be worse.....

2009-05-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

than wanting to speak...
but not finding the words,
than wanting to shout...
but not finding the voice,
than wanting to weep...
but found wanting for tears.

What does poverty do to you?

2009-04-30T06:55:00.000-07:00

Poverty makes you biased. This bias has a way of ostracizing you mentally, whereby you tend to identify with people of similar background and thus feel 'understood'. This bias becomes the root cause of so many other 'blocks' -both emotional and social-that only limit you. And this limiting is definitely anti-love. Poverty makes you feel bad about making small small choices that are otherwise a very simple matter. It sort of incapacitates you and makes you believe (very reluctantly) that the whole purpose of life is to make a living! It makes you think about what is worth spending on and what is not. That kind of a thinking is essential in life. But, it could get painful at times. It does get painful at times.
And, when you finally do have money, you lose your capacity to enjoy a certain thing with the same pleasure because you have already detached yourself from it while you didn't have money!

On the brighter side, poverty has a way of making you more 'human'. It also has a way of making your emotions run deeper. You feel an empathy for a lot of people, you tend to be more forgiving with people and you learn that comforts in life are only as important as you make them out to be. And each of these things shape your thoughts, your aspirations, your choices and, ultimately your 'happinesses!'

By the way, the image was the first to throw up when I typed in "what poverty does to you" in Google Images. I just found it very cute. And apt :)

Merely a wish that I would have forgotten had I not written it down

2009-04-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

I wish we could run away somewhere. Somewhere where we can be silent, and yet the noises around us make similar sense to both of us. Where the thoughts connect in our minds, and when we share them, our hearts connect too. I wish we could just live together without having to bother about marriage or the people or the traditions. We could simply be together, and fall in love each day as if it was the first time. I wish we could do things because we love to do them, rather than because they are good for us or some crap like that.
Now that we know how how to do so many things, we could discover fire, we could discover cooking, we could discover swimming, and farming, and do things because they only need to be done and nothing more. And I am sure we will discover ourselves along the way!
But, its merely a wish that I would have forgotten had I not written it down.

International Woman's Day

2009-03-07T21:26:00.000-08:00

When something is celebrated as a special day, it either has to be about an issue or about increasing the sales (thus profits) of the corresponding goods. Someone said that 'happiness was invented so that businesses can make more money'.....and perhaps so were valentines' day, fathers' day etc.

But, coming to the issue part, it is a fact that women are not treated as equals (and I do share the sin to some extent.....we all do to some extent-even women!). But is that the right question--equality? Of course it is...not in terms of physical strength, or mental make up..but in terms of opportunity, of freedom of imagination and of freedom of choice. Let us not delude ourselves that this freedom is absolute or complete-none of our freedoms are complete (even man's or freedom's). But, to believe that a Woman's freedom is something granted by a Man, to believe that they are destined to not have the same freedom that a man enjoys (or suffers) when the man himself is not completely free-and obviously is quite ignorant of it-, to invent something to the effect of seelam (Telugu for 'integrity'-usually of the virginity) and to force upon them what you wouldn't want to be forced upon you....that is a sin.

As a dear woman friend of mine says, almost all the swear words used are, to the effect, degrading some woman that matters to the man! And I am part of it too.

It is not that we don't know the problem. Or the solution. It is just that we need to act on it.
Let there be no gender for ideas like freedom, opportunity, imagination and above all, Love. And let them not remain just as ideas but translate them into a matter-of-fact way of life. Until that day is realized, here is wishing all the women in the world a very happy International Woman's Day!

But the true realization of that ideal comes ONLY when this Day becomes redundant!

Religion: Can't Swallow Can't Spit

2009-02-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

Please read on-i promise that this is not a spoiler on Delhi 6!

While watching the movie (which hits you with time and thinking), I realized that I do not belong to any religion-not because I do not believe in God, but because I believe in Him/Her/That. Thanks to the emphasis on blind acceptance by many following and preaching religion, I can not belong or follow any particular one. And it is painful (in a detached way) to realize this at times. The closest it comes to explaining what I feel is the analogy with Lord Shiva's feat with the poison that came out of the churning of the paala samudram (the sea of milk) of Vishnu-he can not spit it, he can not swallow it. He suspends it in his throat forever-which is pretty much my situation when it comes to religion. I can not spit it out of my mind for it is followed by too many people that I love. I can not swallow it for it has been used to violate it's very own founding principles! Though I despise it at times, I can not be vociferously against it for it is an integral part of many whom I love. Though I do feel tempted to abide by one at times, I can not do it since it feels like too much of a trap (all it's own making with time!). I will just end by stating my present situation in life: "I am not an atheist. I am very much a theist-at least aware that there exists a part of me that connects perhaps a higher power, to a universal soul or to God. And I am not religious. The worst part is, I do not think that I can follow one either. And the lump in the throat does feel like suffocating at times!"

Just be yourself Roger!

2009-02-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

So...Nadal prevailed over Federer again. No issues with that-he deserved it. Let not the fact that 11 unforced errors from the Swiss Maestro (I know that he is not the World No.1 anymore) to Rafa's 1, undermine the magnitude of what the Spanish Bull achieved-he himself is the reason why the maestro committed the errors. Nadal stands testimony to what it means to exercise the human will, to dig deep into your soul to discover a warmth and a spirit to defeat the opponent (he lost the two sets 3-6, 3-6 against Federer's 7-5, 7-6 losses mind you). Cheers to that Spirit, cheers to that young man who deserves every bit of his status right now. He has done everything right.

What is it that Federer is doing wrong? Here are certain facts:

Federer was the one who stopped the Great Pete from having his 5th Winbledon.
Fed back then was a young lad of about 20 who does not even remotely resemble the composed, controlled man that we see him to be today.
There was a defeat in his life, and his behaviour after that, that made him decide to be gentleman on court.

I think Federer never planned to be the best. It just happened that all the wiring in his mind and the spirit of his soul conspired in making him play unbelievable strokes on court, that made us believe that he is not human-not because he can not lose, not because his game is typical of him (which it is), not because he does not feel emotion, but because he defied our emotional understanding of the game.

We wanted to see barbarian shouts on victory-he gave us just a moment of it mercurially transfomed into a peaceful, self satisfied smile and a radiating happiness. We wanted shouts of frustration on losing a crucial point-he gave us a calm dismissal, as if the point loss never happened, as if he is unblemished by it. We wanted to hear what is it that he was talking to himself on court-he, by his calmness, told us that it was none of our business and that we should just enjoy his mastery of the game. He defied our wirings! He showed us a control that is, on the face of it, inhuman. But, the purpose of it makes it saintly. The silent, unnoticeable, impossible calm makes it saintly.

Nadal shows us how best to fight and not give up, how best to discover an invincible summer deep within us in the cold winters of life. Rafa is like the best swimmer on earth who can navigate the seep seas. But Roger? He is definitely trying to be the best swimmer right now.

Instead, he should re-discover that thing that made him what he is, that thing that we all could see for so long and that thing that makes him so out of life. That thing is the fact that Roger is like a dolphin in the ocean-it is in his nature to swim (play tennis). Greatness will come. Being the best will come. But only when he stops trying to be the best and does what comes naturally to him-playing tennis. Because if he does that, greatness will not matter. Being the best will not matter.

For all the matter of fact admission of being the best that he so famous for in the press, he is attached to the desire of being the best. The day Roger detaches himself from this desire for greatness will be the day we all see him all over again. The others will keep getting better (and perhaps defeat him now and then) but to him, and to us, it simply won't matter!

Just be yourself Roger! :)

MANI (pronounced: MONEY!)

2009-01-31T08:30:00.000-08:00

Did you see this dark, bald man wearing white shoes, white socks, white nikkar, white shirt and a gold watch with a stick in his hand (perhaps to protect himself from the students) taking a walk around 8 in the hostel zone? He is Mr.Mani. The current CCW chairman, and the aspiring Dean of Students. This blog is just to declare my complete hatred for this incompetent, inhuman and unnecessary creation of God. You should watch him take the routine evening walk by the way-he looks damn funny!! I pray that a deer should bite him, or a bunch of monkeys should vandalize him (instead of our rooms) or that he just slips on a peel of banana and breaks his back!

Oh!...and he is known to have culted like crazy by the way.

2008-11-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

ahhh! it was great to re discover rock!

the dance floor was on FIRE.....some 15 ft by 30 ft room filled with all sorts of furniture, sofas, a dinning table ( wait let me remember what else did i bang into ?? ). hmm...and the five of us.

what we did was what i call MAd dancing :) i dont even know how it happened! suddenly the lights went off and the place started rocking with Sukritis new favourite song....Weezers's Troublemaker....and all of us....

Sakshi : 11years, 4'10''

Sukriti : 18 years 5'2''

Samvidha: 21 years 5'2''

Kadambini: 22 years 5'2''

Manisha: 47 years 5'3'' ( mother of the first three :) this is not her only qualification, but it is her most treasured one)

started what i call as "letting goooo". In about five minutes time there was sparks flying in the room because of all the static energy our open hairs and legs on the carpet was creating, wild in motion and us banging into all the things around. All of us were laughing hysterically just seeing each other lose it completely. Each of us ad our own style of original dancing....

but the best was manisha aunties! she incorporated all her routine household chores into the dance moves :) roti making move...PT exercises...chocolate making and licking. What was sooo beautiful about the whole thing was how each of us had lost our inhibitions at the same time and didn't bother about 'what will people thing if they saw me dancing like this'!!..hands and legs and heads all over the place.

What got created was magic...all of us just left our masks behind and let loose

The greatest realisation of the day was that, my body was so drained because of all the head banging that i was sweating like a pig and was finding it hard to breath but i felt so energetic inside....i could literally feel the energy flowing in me. it is in those moments that you understand truly what it is meant when great people say "your soul is a fountain of energy and that you are not your body, but you are your soul"...my body was tired but my soul was truly energised by expressing itself so freely and openly after such a long time!

yes....there are better ways of using this energy but as i have already said...the soul is a fountain of energy and tomorrow is another day...we just need to know how to tap into it :)

small joys...

2008-11-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

the room is dimly lit and spacious. light seeps through my chunnis hanging from the curtain holder…yellowish red. strawberry swing or here with me on some other occasion or any other trance music blasts from the creative speakers on the ground from one side of the room, throwing sound into all directions and engulfing the room and soon even my head.

I stand in the centre and start spinning when the song starts...spinning round and round with my eyes open till the spinning of my head matches the rhythm of the song...perfectly synchronic...then i close my eyes and continue spinning like that till that precise second in the song when only the background beat gets more volume or when the beat changes dramatically or when a new beat is introduced or when there is a notable transition. then i stop spinning and gently rock to the beat. As the cochleal fluid in my ears takes a while to settle down and signal the brain to balance, the world still falsely spins around in my head and my body obeys the tossing and spinning...spinning and rocking...living in the moment.

This act, take my word for it is a simple, non addictive, foolproof and inexpensive way of getting a high. Experience it to believe it :) best experienced when the music is dance music...and one can LET GO and laugh your heart out

Purity!

2008-09-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

There is a poster in my room-what it says is not so important now than the authority that designed it. It is by United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime. The first time I read that name, for a fleeting fraction of a second, there was a very very pure feeling inside me. I can not call it happiness or joy because there was a feeling of 'rightness' associated with the purity, and over a period of time I came to believe that there is nothing absolutely right or wrong in this world. But then, that fleeting second, reminded me of all the previous times I felt so! The first time was perhaps in 8th or 9th class when I read a lesson by Gerald Durell on Nature Conservation. It felt so perfect, so right and so deeply pure imagining dedicating a life for fighting for nature! But, that has also landed me in suspicion of 'self-righteousness' . And coupled with the belief that there is nothing absolutely right or wrong, the 'feeling' left me. Perhaps thats the price we pay for growing up. Perhaps I can not live in that feeling for more than a fraction of a second. Perhaps I will never ever feel it again in my life. Perhaps it is good that I dont feel it anymore. I just miss the energy that came with that feeling. And I miss that purity in me too.

Cut the Crap!

2008-09-09T04:48:00.000-07:00

So here I am with an exam to give (its interesting why they say we 'give' an exam) tomorrow, a trip to organize, few errands to do but still writing a Blog. I have been thinking lately about what I truely want to do. Actually, thats something I have been thinking since the first day I think I started thinking. Anyways, keeping all the noise aside (easier said than done I must admit), the toughest thing to do is not pursuing what one wants to do but knowing what one wants to do! You see, the mind as I see it, can make a hell out of heaven or heaven out of hell-so, to know what is truely hell and truely heaven, perhaps heart is a better instrument. I also believe that pursuing ones heart is a way to experience satisfaction deep down inside, a way to feel contended and happy and self-realised. But the thing is, the mind does everything it can to take you away from what your heart really wants to do. Thats the reason why all the sages keep telling us to keep it under control-so that it assists us in realising self!

Once you know what you want to do, just do it-shamelessly, proudly, and with all your heart! I read somewhere that "Education is something that makes you do something wholeheartedly because it has to be done". I think its true, because many times in life you never know the effect because everything is a potential cause. So, trying to do something which your 'mind' tells you is not what you want to do, might result in helping you in realizing what you want to do and also doing it!

Actually, I do not trust words beyond a certain point. They make you confused, they make you define them all over, and they make progress slow. Come to think of it-isn't it seemingly impossible that with only five 'senses' to perceive the world (most of which is not through words) and no 'sense' to communicate with others, we still have to communicate! That is why words are important and that is why I hate words beyond a point. Coming back to what I want to say, sometimes words only distract you from knowing your heart (again its the mind thats playing spoilsport). So, just beware of them. Know what you mean by what you say-and know what others truly 'mean' by what they say.

In a nutshell: "Know what you want to do (may not be in words most of the time)! Separate the noise from the music. Do not worry about acting on it (that's noise)-after all these years, the realization will make you act."

LIFE IS LIKE AN OCEAN or a drop of rain

Hearing 'If i Rise' in my breath

Excellence 4 by Manoj Bharadwaj

Excellence 3 by Prashant

Excellence 2 by Shantan

Excellence

Reflections of a Butterfly

for the love of dogs :)

My Greatest Defeat as an Indian Supporter

Misery

Genius

Tweet

The You and Me that you and me Dont Know

My latest Understandings

Beete Lamhe!

Viva La Vida

Pappu

Four Levels of Learning

about today...and many other days

learning..

Random Thought that makes a lot of sense.

...here to stay

Discourse to myself

Nothing could be worse.....

What does poverty do to you?

Merely a wish that I would have forgotten had I not written it down

International Woman's Day

Religion: Can't Swallow Can't Spit

Just be yourself Roger!

MANI (pronounced: MONEY!)

small joys...

Purity!

Cut the Crap!